The Sisterhood

 

The Sisterhood

There is an episode of the Andy Griffith Show about a church bazaar that is being held by the Ladies’ Auxiliary of their local church.

Andy says to his deputy, Warren, that there are three rules to a long, happy life in Mayberry.  The first is don’t play leapfrog with elephants. The second is never pet a tiger unless his tail is a waggin’. The third is never, ever mess with the Ladies’ Auxiliary.

This last one could be said of the ultra-secret organization known as The Sisterhood.  The Illuminati have nothing on the Sisterhood. 

This Sisterhood dates back to whenever it was that the second female human was placed on this earth.

We men are simple, either we like another man or we don’t.  Usually we can tell in the first minute if we and another guy will get along or not.

Not so with women.  It seems that women can be best friends one minute and worst

enemies the next.  But, when the Sisterhood puts out an ultimatum, all bets are off.

Women who could not stand to be in the same air space together will work with one another to accomplish a Sisterhood goal.  Usually, that goal is keeping we men in our place.

Many years ago, my now child-bride Suzanne, who was my girlfriend at the time, and I broke up.  Well, I broke up; she did not. It was a stupid miscommunication and I read the signals wrong.

All of us men have learned that when a woman says something is fine, that it isn’t fine.  If she says, “Go ahead”, you better not go ahead.  But there are other things we don’t yet understand.

As I said, I had broken up with Suzanne. She had not broken up with me.  I figured since she and I were not still together, or so I thought, that even though I had promised her I would take her to get her driver’s license at the Highway Department, all promises were null and void.

I further believed that, since we were no longer a couple, we were free to date other people.  I made a date with another girl and all was set for me and her to go out.

Suzanne wrote me a letter and told me that if I did not keep my promise to take her to the Highway Department to get her license, that would make me a liar since I had promised to take her.

I was not going to be called a liar and I was not going to be a liar, so I took her.

While I was waiting on Suzanne to get signed up for her driving test and to take her test, I used the pay phone to call the girl. I guess I dated myself with that one.  Good thing, too, because I was not going to date anyone else.

Well, when I got her on the phone, she used every cliché excuse as to why she could not go out with me even though she had seemed happy before when I asked her. She had to wash her hair, her parents had other plans, the dog needed a bath, she had homework, etc.

When we left the Highway Department, Suzanne asked me if I was ready for my big date.  To my knowledge, Suzanne did not know I had a date.

I told her it had been cancelled and left it at that.

Later, I found out what had happened.  It seems that some of Suzanne’s friends had found out about the date.  They had decided that Suzanne and I belonged together and that was that.  They convinced the girl not to go out with me and, furthermore, to never talk to me again.

So now, not only did I not have a date, no girl in the free world would even look at me. If I needed to know the time of day, I would have to call the time and temperature number, and the voice on it was male.

Suzanne and I were still not together again.  But I was not going to date anyone else.

One night, I had come back to McClendon Manor for the Christmas break.  I was sitting in the upstairs den watching television when the phone rang.  I answered the phone and the voice on the other end was female.  I did not recognize the voice at all.

I asked who it was on the phone and found out that it was one of Suzanne’s many first cousins.  She and I talked for a few minutes and then she put Suzanne on the phone.

Suzanne and I started playing records over the phone to one another and then Suzanne played Are You Lonesome Tonight by Elvis Presley. He was also her cousin.

During that song, I asked Suzanne if she would go back with me and she said she would think about it.  The next day, she had a friend tell me she would go with me again and to call her after four that day.  I called her and she was not home.

It was years before I found out that Suzanne’s friends had conspired to keep me in line. They called themselves "The Sisterhood".

See also our posts on Master Control, Papa's Proposal, and Our Wedding. 

Read My Child-Bride Suzanne’s Blog

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Master Control III

Master Control Part III

As I mentioned in my previous post, I wanted to stop by and see Suzanne so, I wrote her asking her how to get to her house and if it would be okay to drive by and see her.

Suzanne wrote me back with directions to her house.  I sent her a letter on Wednesday to let her know I would be there Friday.

I wrote, “About the time you get this letter, I will be driving down your driveway.”  As it turns out, this was pretty close to accurate.

I followed the directions she sent me.  The directions took me to a driveway that had a sign that said “Private Property, No Trespassing.”  There were also hand-drawn pictures of a pistol and a skull and cross bones.

I decided to err on the side of caution and look for a friendlier house.  I went to see if my friend and youth director, Eddie Bledsoe, was home.  He was. I asked him if he knew where Suzanne Gunter lived.

Eddie thought and said, “That must be one of Jimmy Gunter’s girls."  As it turns out, she is the oldest of Jimmy Gunter’s children.

He told me the driveway I had was the correct one and that I should go back.  I decided to wait just a little while to make sure the mail had time to run.  A little while later, I drove down the 72 mile long driveway.  At least it felt that long.  I felt sort of like a convicted felon walking the last steps to the gallows.

When I reached the end of the driveway, I saw two teenaged boys and Cousin It.  I say it was Cousin It because it had hair all around its head. The hair was dripping wet and the little It said was practically impossible to understand.

I was told by Suzanne’s twin brothers and Cousin It that Suzanne was inside washing her hair. 

As it turns out, when Suzanne got my letter, she felt she needed to wash her hair before I got there.  Cousin It, who turned out to be Suzanne’s younger sister, for some reason felt she should wash her hair before Suzanne washed hers.

Suzanne’s brothers entertained me by asking me questions about cars, the rescue squad, and what I planned to do with their sister. Soon, Suzanne emerged from the house.  She was beautiful and, of course, was giggling that nervous giggle of hers.

That night Suzanne’s mother allowed me to take Suzanne on an unofficial date to M Night at Middleton Road Baptist Church.  We would not be allowed an actual date until Suzanne turned 16 a week later.