Fortune Telling Happy Marine Week!!

Disclaimer: Many of the stories are completely fictional.  Other stories are fictional accounts of true stories.  Other stories are completely true.  Sometimes the names have been changed to protect the innocent.  This story is completely false. 

Way back in the 1970s, fortune telling was all the rage.  In our county seat, there was a woman who promoted herself as a palm reader.  She called herself a palmist.  She had a sign with a large blue hand on it.

Under the hand on the sign was the name, “Mrs. Wilma”.  I never did know if Wilma was her first name, or her last.  Everyone just called her Mrs. Wilma. 

Mrs. Wilma was very famous and many of my adult friends were going to have their palms read. 

My friend Barney kept hearing about how accurate Mrs. Wilma’s palm readings were.  He did not believe in that sort of thing, but curiosity got the better of him.

He went in and got Mrs. Wilma to read his palm.  She told him things he knew and could confirm on his own.  

Finally, he told her that he was not impressed.  She told him that for just $10 more she would go into a trance and get the visions she saw to tell her very clearly what the future held for him.

Barney laughed because he could not believe he was shelling out another $10 on what he felt was a hoax.

Mrs. Wilma took the money and tucked it in her apron.  Then, she shut her eyes and began to mumble.

Barney thought she was really playing this thing for all it was worth.  Then, she started.

She said, “I see a little girl with brown hair and brown eyes.  She is about seven years old.  She is wearing a cute little yellow dress with a teddy bear embroidered on it.  I see she is holding a teddy bear named Brownie.

Barney sat straight up in his chair.  Mrs. Wilma had just described his little girl to a T.  Mrs. Wilma went on to say that the little girl’s name is Heather.

Now, Barney was really paying attention.  Mrs. Wilma said, “There is a calendar on the wall behind Heather with all the days leading up to today marked with a big red X.  Right beside Heather, I can see a clock clearly showing the time to be 5 PM. Barney recognized this calendar as being the one in Heather’s room.  She marks the day off just before she goes to bed each night.  There is a digital clock in Heather’s room as well.

Mrs. Wilma said, “Heather is crying. She just found out that her father died today.  If the calendar and the clock are correct it happened today just before five o’ clock.”

Barney got really worried.  He thought, "Mrs. Wilma was so accurate in her description of everything.  How could she not be correct about the impending death?"

Barney left Mrs. Wilma’s place and drove very carefully back to work.  He took his pulse and blood pressure,.  They were a little high, but stress can do that.

He jumped every time the phone rang.  He did not leave his office all day long.  At exactly 5:01 PM, he headed for home.  He drove home very carefully.  He stopped and looked both ways twice before pulling though any stop signs.

He drove well below the speed limit until he reached his house.  He pulled into the driveway carefully and breathed a sigh of relief. He said a little prayer before getting out of the car.  He walked slowly and carefully towards the front porch.  He greeted his wife with a kiss and told her how much he loved her.

Then he said to her, “You won’t believe what a stressful day I have had today.” 

She replied, “You don’t know the meaning of the word stressful.  The mailman dropped dead on the front porch this afternoon.”

Please Visit My Child Bride Suzanne's Blog

I respond to all comments on this blog, ideally within 24 hours.  Please check back here for a response to your comment.  Thank you!

Do you have a frugal recipe?  Please e-mail it to me.
Help us reach 1,000 YouTube subscribers. Please watch some of our videos. If you like them, please subscribe. Also, please share our YouTube information with your friends.  We thank you so much for all your help.  

 Golden Toilet

Disclaimer: Many of the stories are completely fictional.  Other stories are fictional accounts of true stories.  Other stories are completely true.  Sometimes the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

I was a tuba player in the Crescent Tiger Band.  I was in all the bands the school had as were most the more serious band students.

Crescent had three tubas. I had one at school to use and I brought one home to practice on.  It was a lot of work to haul a tuba back and forth.

I call it a tuba but as any real musician would know, what I played was actually called a Sousaphone.  It had been designed by John Phillip Sousa to make a more convenient way for tuba players to carry their instrument in a marching band.

I kept the tuba I brought home in the front room at McClendon Manor.  It was really the only room in the house close enough to the front door for me to lug the tuba in to without tearing the rest of the house down.

The living room was just inside the front door and to the left as one started in the house.

One day two of my friends, U. J. Derrick and his sidekick Sylvester came over and we sat out on the front porch sipping iced tea and “Jawin’ “ as we called it. We were sitting there watching the lightnin’ bugs jawin’ about school and work and life in general when, after a while Sylvester’s tea kicked in.  He said, “Bird, I need to borrow your facilities.”  I responded, “Bring them back when you get through with them.”

This was the usual banter that we had back and for the whenever we were over at one another’s house and we needed to pee.

It seemed like Sylvester was gone for a long time so U. J. and I gave him the usual ribbing.  “Hey man, did you get lost?”  

A couple of days later U. J. and Sylvester were in the truck going fishin’

They talked about this and that.  They talked about Juanita down to the diner and things such as that.  At one point Sylvester said to U. J. “ I always thought that Bird’s family had money but I did not know they was that rich.”

U. J. turned to Sylvester and said, “What are you talkin’ ‘bout, His family has to work and scratch just the same as everbody else.”

To which Sylvester replied, “No, Bird’s family has a gold toilet. “

U. J. said, You are crazy man, they ain’t got no such a thing.”

Later, that evening my phone rang.  I picked it up in the upstairs den and I heard U. J.’s voice on the other end.  He said, “Bird, I fount out who pooped in you tuba. “

Watch This On YouTube

Please Visit My Child Bride Suzanne's Blog



Help us reach 1,000 YouTube subscribers. Please watch some of our videos. If you like them, please subscribe. Also, please share our YouTube information with your friends. We thank you so much for all your help.

Garlic Tea Revisited

Garlic Tea Revisited

When we were teenagers, one of my sister’s favorite games was to walk up to me when I had a glass of tea and gulp it down. She seemed to always enjoy this. I could almost always expect it to happen. 

One day when she was home from college I decided to fix her.

I fixed my supper and put my plate on the table. Then I made two glasses of iced tea. One for drinking which I placed on the kitchen floor beside the leg of the chair next to where I would be sitting and the other to go on the table.

Before I placed the glass on the table I added a little something extra. I loaded that glass with garlic salt. I used most of an eight ounce bottle of garlic salt. I stirred the mixture up really good and placed in on the table. I then sat down to eat.

A little while later my mother came in the kitchen and sat down beside me and started talking to me.  We were having a great conversation and I heard my sister coming in the door. She walked up to the table and stood between my mother and me acting like she was really wanting to converse with me.

Shortly I saw that evil grin she got as she reached for my glass of tea. I shouted, “Don’t drink my tea.” She guzzled most of the glass down before the taste actually hit her. She ran to the sink and started spitting out the terrible concoction.

Meanwhile I am rolling in the floor laughing at what had just taken place. My mother was trying to understand what had happened and why I thought it was so funny. When I was finally able to talk I shared it with her and she too found it very funny.

My sister tells the story slightly differently. Her version goes something like this:


I had just walked across two deserts with no food or drink. I had saved a caravan of orphans from a tornado and the last hundred miles of the journey I had my faithful camel, Leon, strapped to my back because he just could not make it on his own.


As I approached town I stopped to fix the water pump on a car driven by a group of nuns and I thought to myself how good that water must taste. I had to leave the water though so the nuns could make it to their bingo tournament.

I managed to drag my dehydrated body up the back steps and onto the back porch. I thought to myself, if I can just make it into the kitchen my dear, sweet brother would share a drop or two of his iced tea with me.

This was what kept me going. I dragged myself through the back door and up to the table and then he poured that vile concoction down my throat nearly killing me.

It is up to you which version you choose to believe.

Drop us an Email

The Funniest Blog Post I have heard in a while

Why is it that when men and women date they forget that humans have body functions? On the radio the other morning I heard a story where a woman would not date the man the second time because he went in the bathroom and farted. I am human, I fart. I try not to do it in public but if it is going to happen, why should I make myself miserable? The following Link will take you to the funniest blog post I have heard in a while http://hahasforhoohas.com/the-fart-that-almost-altered-my-destiny/ I hope you enjoy it.