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Thursday, July 14, 2016

Throwback Thursday 14 July 2016 Absorbine Junior


This post is part of the meme, Throwback Thursday.  For this meme bloggers are asked to share a photograph, letter, poem, newspaper article, story, or whatever that inspires memories of the past.  Please join with us.

Absorbine Junior

When I was a very young boy of about four or five years old, I was playing in a wading pool at my Grandmother McClendon’s house in Johnston, South Carolina.

While in the pool, somehow I got attacked by several red bugs. Red bugs are larva that bury themselves in the body and live off of skin cells.

My father decided that the cure for red bugs, also known as chiggers, was to apply Absorbine Junior to the red bug.

Now, Absorbine is a horse liniment. It is a substance that creates chemical heat to warm the muscles of horses so they can work better. Absorbine Junior was developed to be a little weaker so that humans could use it.

As I said, my father decided that a good cure for the red bug was to apply Absorbine Junior to the red bug. He decided to start by applying the Absorbine Junior to a red bug that had buried itself in my scrotum.

As soon as he made contact with the applicator, it burned with an intensity I cannot begin to describe.  I cried and screamed.  My father put me back in the water of the pool to cool me off.  It did not help.

After about an hour of intense pain, the Absorbine Junior wore off and I began to return to normal.

My father apologized for this and I forgave him UNTIL he told the following story.

My father attended Newberry College in Newberry, South Carolina on a football scholarship.  He was very good at football.

One day, one of his teammates confessed that he had jock itch very bad and that he needed some relief.  My father told him that Absorbine Junior would cure the jock itch.  After all, one of its uses is to kill athlete’s foot fungus.  This sounded reasonable.

The trusting football player stripped and laid down on the bed, exposing himself.  My father took the cap off the bottle so that the Absorbine Junior could be poured out of the bottle.  He then poured the Absorbine Junior all over the football player’s jock area.

Absorbine Junior goes on feeling cool but soon begins to warm up.  As soon as my father had poured the liquid on the player, he headed for the door.  

Once in the hallway, he could hear that the liquid had now warmed up and the football player was in pain. The player got up and proceeded to chase my father down the hallway.

My father ran out of an open window - they were on the second floor - and onto the roof of the porch.  He climbed down off the porch roof and ran across campus.  Meanwhile, the football player was standing on the porch roof, naked as could be, yelling obscenities at my father.

When I heard that my father had to have known that the Absorbine Junior would burn me, I got very mad at him.  That was years ago and I can still remember the pain.

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