Disclaimer: Many of the stories are completely fictional. Other stories are fictional accounts of true stories. Other stories are completely true. Sometimes the names have been changed to protect the innocent.
My father was always a little bit of a devil. He also loved to tell a little yarn and see who would believe it. He was generally surprised to learn that people really did believe him.
One day Mrs. Fitzgerald was in my father’s store. She was telling my father about how she needed to get a new set of dentures and how they were way too expensive for her.
My father, playing around, told her “Why don’t you do what I do?” He said that he went down to the local funeral home and bought his dentures.
We had two large reputable funeral homes in our area and several smaller ones.
He told Mrs. Fitzgerald that, as you know, they don’t bury people with their dentures in. He told her they don’t throw these teeth away; they save them.
He said that what you do is you go up to the funeral home and you tell them you would like to buy some dentures. He said when you first go they will tell you that they don’t do that. He said that you have to tell them you know they do.
He went on to tell her that you have to insist you know they do and they will repeat that they don’t do this. He told her that, after a while, you have to tell them that you know they do because Bruce McClendon in Iva told you that they do.
He went on to describe how the whole procedure works. He said they take you in a room and give you two baskets. They bring you in a basket of uppers (don’t worry, they have been washed and sterilized).
One of the empty baskets is to put the uppers in that don’t work and the other is where you put the ones that might work out for you. You keep trying uppers until you find a pair that is comfortable and you are satisfied.
Once you have your uppers, they bring you two more empty baskets and a basket of lowers to try on. He said once you have found the best fitting uppers and lowers you can find, then you can make arrangements for payments.
The sad thing is that Mrs. Fitzgerald believed him. She put all of her fears and pride aside and went up to the funeral home. She began to insist that she wanted to try on a pair of teeth and that she knew they did it.
Finally, the director had to call my father and get him to convince Mrs. Fitzgerald that he was only playing. Mrs. Fitzgerald's son came to our store with the intention of whipping my father’s tail for such a stunt.
I have included this story as an example of what NOT to do in retailing.
Notice: The story you have just read was told to me by my father as if it were true. There is no way to know for sure whether it is really true or not. My father liked to tell stories with real people names even though they never really happened to him. I cannot confirm or deny this story. All names, other than my father’s, are fictitious.
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