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Friday, August 5, 2016

Have you ever noticed Willie Oneupman?

Willie Oneupman


Have you ever noticed that in any group of people, be it families, work groups, or just about any group, that there is always one person who is Willie Oneupman ?

Willie is the guy who, no matter what happened to you, it either happened to him ten times better or ten times worse. If you ran a mile in four minutes last week, he ran it in three and stopped to perform C.P.R. on a nun.

If you tell a group of people you started walking at six months, he started walking at four months.  The things that he brags about are always things in the past that are unverifiable.

Papa Bruce's Award
Things like if you just achieved the one gallon donor mark at the Red Cross Blood Bank, he just passed the five gallon mark.  But, the records are unavailable and he doesn’t keep up with the pins they give out as awards.

I once had a friend whose older brother said of him, “No matter what happens to my younger brother, it is always 'the best' or 'the worst'. Nothing normal or average ever happens to him”. The brother went on to say that younger brother was always going on about how much more comfortable his mattress was than the older brother’s.

So one day, older brother swapped mattresses without younger brother knowing about it. That night, when the younger brother was going on about how much more comfortable his mattress was than the older brother’s, older brother told him, “You are right. Your mattress is much more comfortable than mine, and I’ve got it now.”

Younger brother never spoke again about the mattress. But, he did secretly swap the mattresses back.

The older brother had never really swapped the mattresses.  It was his private joke.  The brother never knew until that day when the older brother was telling me about the alleged swap.

Willie Oneupman is everywhere. He has very low self-esteem.  In order to prove his point, he always has to reference someone else’s opinion.  That someone they are referencing is seldom there to verify that that is, in fact, their opinion.

“I see you are pregnant with your third child”, says Willie.  He goes on to say that “Martha said that anyone who has more than two children is just trash,”  or, some other such nonsense along those lines. Willie seems to place a great deal of credibility in what Martha says up until the time that Martha disagrees with him.

In our particular case, Willie in the above paragraph was Willamina, who within the next few years, doffed off her third child, too. Strange? She never mentioned the third child and trash again to us.

You often find these people at functions like family reunions and funerals.  They are always ruining these special occasions and then they wonder why no one ever invites them anywhere.

In our case, a friend of ours ran into recently divorced Willamina and all they could say was Willamina is still Willamina


These are the same people who, when someone performs a kindness for them, they politely find fault with it.  “Thank you for the bridal shower, but it really was tacky for you to bring your baby with you.” Forget the fact that all your potential babysitters had to come to the shower with you because no one really wanted to come to Willamina’s bridal shower.  Not one of her alleged friends showed up.

These people allow petty differences to stand in their way of true relationships.

They make a point of moving to a different chair when someone they have had a conflict with makes an effort to put the past behind them by sitting next to them.  Is it any wonder these people are never truly happy?

If we are ever going to put people problems behind us, we have to ask ourselves that old question, “What would Jesus do?”  A few years back, we saw that question plastered everywhere.

Now, it seems like it was just a fad. But, it should be the question we ask ourselves all the time. Another good question is, "How would I treat her if Jesus was here to see it?"

Would I tell everyone that I scored 1600 on the SATs when really I scored 200 if Jesus was here to hear it?  He is, you know.

Would I tell everyone I walked at four months when, in reality, I didn’t walk until I was 19 months old? Is all this really important? Who cares; that was then and this is now.

If Jesus were to come back right now, what would He say about how we interacted with our fellow man?

If Jesus was that person in the wheel chair we blew past to get into line quicker at the checkout, what would He think?

If you are Willie Oneupman, think before you speak.  If you are the person Willie is being one up on, then perhaps the response we should give him is, “We are so proud of you.” Then, we should pray that Willie somehow finds the attention he needs.







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